Where did all my new go?

I remember life as a youth as feeling magical. Everything just seemed more special fifteen years ago. And as I was driving today, listening to Taylor Swift sing her most recent hit on the radio about life as a fifteen year old, I thought about what it was like when everything was new.

Newness. That is what brings magic into youth. Everyday is filled with something new. Something previously undiscovered. A new experience. A new revelation. A new bit of knowledge. Something new is bound to cross your path when you are so new to this world.

And as I thought about the magic I felt as I experienced my first kiss, my first time driving a car, my first day in a new school, all of the firsts I've experienced, it makes me wonder if "new" is no longer a part of my life. Is this yet another curse that comes with becoming an adult? Loss of magic, loss of excitement, loss of new.

There are plenty of things I will experience for the first time going forward. But they all seem to be in relation to my children. I will someday (presumably) be a grandmother. That will be new. I will give my child(ren) away at their weddings. That will be new. I will accompany them through all of the firsts, all of the new, as they go through their lives. But I will only be experiencing new vicariously through them. It won't be my new. It will be their new. Thrilling of course. But not mine.

Where is my new? As an adult, how do we continue to experience new on a regular basis? Is it only through the accumulation of meaningless material possessions that new can remain in our lives? Perhaps that is why we continue to seek bigger, better, newer things. This is the only way we can bring the magic of new, the magic we experienced daily as children and teenagers, back into our adult lives.

Life now is so much more satisfying than it was as a teenager. I can honestly say that each day of my life is filled with more contentment and happiness than I ever experienced as a youth. The drama of the pre-teen and teenage years has not escaped my memory just yet. I don't miss those days at all. Maybe that is the trade-off. New disappears, but security and comfort are abundant.

Worth the trade, I suppose.

But I can't help bt mourn the loss of new.